This is ... it leaves me almost speechless. I think you coast dead-on (pun intended) into Patrick's mind, not to mention the concept of time and direction. The reverse volcano is a terrific hint at what's to come. I won't write much more due to *spoilers* but I wish I could fav it more than once. Thank you.
I keep meaning to make a good go at your gallery. I'm just generally at work when I sit down for long at a computer. *sigh* But soon, very soon, I shall find me some keepers amongst your dementations. <--by the by, I make up words often.
Sorry if it was too much of a shock, but I hope you got him off Skyrim, at least
"drop one" is actually deliberate. It's a fairly common idiom in the US. It's been so long since I lived in the UK (early/mid 1970's) that I can't remember whether I ever heard it over there. It doesn't sound very British, though, so I'm guessing it's one of our horrid colonialisms....
Get him off Skyrim? No, that would be cruelty! I was just trying to distract him from defeating the Dragon Priest Morokei because I am a wonderful and selfless human being. He's a conjurer mage, so you really have to concentrate on not dying.
I'd take it as a colonialism, as I've never heard it here in the UK. It seems the majority of writers on deviantART are American, so I might have to buy a notebook and start writing these things down. I already have to have an EST clock on my phone screen.
OH ALSO - forgot to mention this. I'd change the title. The way you have the first section you wouldn't expect him to shoot his mom in the face, and I think you're losing a lot of "shock value" by giving the reader a head's up.
You have several options, depending on how cheaky or serious you want to be. Honey & the Dumb Old Fool (HA HA HA) or Commuting or The Messy Pourer Cleans Up (ooooh I'm so witty ) etc...
“Did you know that if your commute is eastbound in the morning, then all year long you’re going to be driving into the sun before work and into the sun on the way home? It says here that people with westbound morning commutes live longer than people going the other way. Heart disease and suicides are both higher if you’re driving straight into sunlight twice a day, assuming your commute is more than 25 minutes.” Is this TRUE???
Also, I love how you circled back and forth through time on this.
I don't know whether anyone's ever studied the effect that driving into the sunlight regularly has on people. Probably not. I just know the effect it has on me: insanity! I've always hated it, and yesterday I had to drive a hundred mile roundtrip that was heading into the sun both ways for most of it. The idea for this story came to me in the car, after I calmed down from getting really pissed off about it.
Over the years, I've had several commutes that pointed into the sun, and they really suck!